Bondage

blindfold-ImageWhen you think about bondage, do you think about being tied up or doing the tying?

Bondage isn’t just about restricting movement, although it IS about restricting movement. Bondage is also about experimenting with power, fantasy, pleasure, limitations, trust, vulnerability and letting go. Bondage is about limiting movement and feeling moved at the same time. Some people use bondage to keep their long term relationship feeling alive, and some people like the adrenaline rush of the power, or the struggle. Other people just like being restrained, and enjoy a little sensory deprivation every once in a while.

Whatever gets you going, bondage is difficult to do alone, meaning it requires a partner to help you get in, or out of, the places you’ll be tied. Sometimes it’s fun to be the one in charge (and doing the tying up), and sometimes its fun to let someone else be in charge (and get tied up), and it’s okay to switch that up. It’s also okay to prefer to be the active partner, or top, or the passive partner, or bottom. No matter what you like, bondage works best with someone you know, trust and can be open and vulnerable with. You need to know that your partner won’t hurt you, or leave you all tied up with no place to go. You want to know that you’re safe, which also means establishing a safe word…just in case.

When it comes to safe words, no and stop won’t do. Not only will you say them when you mean yes and go, but these two words may come up often when you’re role-playing or just having some hot and heavy sexy time. Better words are those you wouldn’t use when you’re fucking, sucking or getting tied up. Words like pineapple, fruit fly and crow can work, but really you can decide what word you want to say when you need the action to stop.

If this is your first time playing with bondage, use paper streamers or bondage ribbon, something that’s easy to get out of, but that still lets the receiver feel restricted. You can also use a suit tie, a scarf, stockings, Velcro cuffs, a sash or adjustable bondage rope.

After you figure out how you’re going to tie, or get tied, figure out where. Is it to the bed, the towel rack, the steering wheel of the car (while it’s parked in the garage). Then try introducing the tying material in a seductive manner. You can bring out a few silk scarves and ask your partner to pick out his or her favorite. Perhaps you slowly graze the scarves, or your tie, around her breasts, or over his cock and balls. Tell her or him what you’re going to do as you do it, and do it in your most sultry baritone, or perhaps with a whisper. Say something like, “hey baby, I’m going to tie your arms to the bedpost so that I can suck on your nipples and you can’t do anything about it.” That’s not scary, that’s sexy because you’ve stated your intention and purpose.

One other thing as you begin; bondage, kink and all sex play are best when it’s safe, sane and consensual. That means drinking and drugging are never a good idea when kinky sex is on the table, or in the bed. Start by taking it slow and if you, or your partner are nervous, ask questions and set a time limit for how long the experience will last.