Ball Gags

ball gagCock blocking is one thing, but when a cock blocks your air passage that’s a totally different story. While it’s socially acceptable to talk about the former, when it comes to discussing the latter, the act of gagging is something we all keep rather quiet about. Except back in 80’s, when Valley Girl was super cool and the phrase “gag me with a spoon” was popular. Even though it basically translated to “I just want to barf,” it brought gagging, as a concept, into the mainstream vernacular.

The fact that when it comes to sex, we’re rather quiet about gagging is somewhat ironic. Especially since gagging can be noisy and distracting.

On the one hand, gagging can be a total turn off during sexy times, and on the other hand it can be a hot part of oral sex. Gagging happens when something is shoved down, or gets lodged in, the back of our throat. It’s our bodies’ way of keeping us breathing. During sex, gagging most often (and loudly) occurs during the act of the blowjob. Gagging can also be a kinky part of hardcore play (think ball gag).

The noises associated with gagging, and the action that follows, can indeed lead to an experience one may rather forget. Especially if what happens to you happened to my friend in college. She was giving a blowjob to her then-boyfriend, and on one particularly forceful downward stroke, she threw up her spaghetti and meatballs all over his cock and balls. While it was gross then, it was, and continues to be, a great story later on.

Now, before you gag, I’m saying this because it’s important to acknowledge and thank the gag reflex (it does prevent us from choking and has no idea that we’re sucking on dick and not accidentally swallowing something that will block our air passage). Yes, gagging can lead to throwing up and other unfortunate moments, but gagging can also lead to sexy times too. It all depends on how you see it, hear it, use it and feel it.

For me, gagging is sexy. I look at it as a way to lube my throat. And since I enjoy the art of a good gag, my partner’s never seem to complain about the fact that I’m choking on their chicken. I like the added sound, especially since I can otherwise be kind of quiet, and the fact that I can use nature’s lube instead of the store-bought kind. And the additional lube can keep me sucking longer (only in a blow job is it a compliment to say you suck big time!) and can make hand-mouth contact go more smoothly.

I used to think that when you gagged a man would think his dick was so big you couldn’t take it all in. Now I realize that some guys know they’re dick isn’t that big, and not all guys – big or small – think gagging is hot. Although I still wonder if guys with bigger cocks think it’s hotter than men with smaller members, anyway, even if it’s not about size, the sensation of gagging can appeal to both the giver and the receiver in the form of power. As another sex educator friend of mine says, “It can be a sign of submission to go that hard. There’s something about someone who just lets go that I really enjoy.”

Or, like my friend JR, says, “I gag at least half the time, but I still enjoy giving the BJ. I don’t think gagging should be a turn off to men, but they are dorks. It’s not like women are constantly shoving something back and forth down our throats.”

Yeah, gagging isn’t something we generally practice avoiding, although you can. If you want to practice relaxing your gag reflex, try using a toothbrush on your tongue and brushing it back towards your gag reflex. The further back you can brush, the more relaxed you may become. Or start with some oral sex mints to help with desensitizing. Just be careful, if you can’t feel something, you don’t know if you’re hurting yourself either.

On the flip side, gagging can get distracting rather quickly, especially in porn, where the whole don’t choke on your performance is totally ignored. The girls who gag don’t look like they’re enjoying it, which is key to sexy gagging, and it’s like a constant white noise throughout the oral sex part of most videos. As my friend Andre put it, “The first time my girlfriend and I tried watching a porno together, it seemed like every single chick audibly gagged while going down. It was more irritating than anything else. It’s like listening to someone snap their gum or chew with their mouth open. Big turnoff.”

Gagging can be as irritating as gum cracking if it’s done too often, or with too much dramatic effect. And although porn has made gagging more difficult an act to swallow, especially when the globs of spit are drooling down a young starlet’s mouth, porn in some ways normalizes the act of gagging, as well as not having to look your best while you do it.

Whatever the reason, gagging adds another element to the outstanding act of fellatio, or to redefine it in a parallel universe, it doesn’t (have to) suck.