There are many dating missteps that people can fall into without even realizing that they’re doing so. This is especially true with Cougars who know what they’re looking for in a man and can be incredibly picky in some areas. While they want the youth that younger men can offer, many of the younger men do not have the flair or experience that many Cougars would want. They are in a position now where they are more able to pick and choose the men that they want to be with so don’t make these mistakes and turn off the Cougar of your dreams without even realizing that you’re doing so.
We’ve covered what not to have in your pictures and what not to say in your profile, but there are a few things that you need to keep in mind when it comes to your messages as well. First off, before we even get into the specifics… It’s easy to tell when you’re using a copy-pasted message that you’re sending to multiple women. If there’s nothing in your message that is specific to the woman whom you are trying to contact and the entire message is generic then you’re not going to get much in the way of results. Men tend to be less picky when it comes to the messages and even if they are generic ones, women (and this is true of any dating site) do not need to put as much thought into their messages to get a man’s attention as long as they have pictures.
But the same is not true of catching the attention of women, so here are a few things that you should never say to a Cougar.
1. My number is…/My email is…
It’s strange that this would be at number one, right? But putting your contact information into a message right away just makes you look desperate. Think about this for a second, you’re giving your number out to a complete stranger without having any real contact with them. By doing this it sends out a signal that you are one, doing this with other women as well and two, that you are not looking for anything meaningful. It’s the equivalent of scrawling your name and number on napkins before handing them out to every girl at the bar who has even remotely caught your interest.
2. I want to be your cub.
This seems like an innocent enough statement to make, but the problem with it is that it is often something which is said right away to Cougars. Imagine the reaction of a woman if you went up to her after seeing her having some coffee and said “I want to be your boyfriend.” You’re giving off the same kind of vibe here. While you might very well want to be the cub of the Cougar you are contacting, try to rephrase it in a way that’s less creepy. Tell her that you are interested in getting to know her better as that is a much more normal way to catch someone’s interest.
3. How old are you?/You can’t be that old/You look good for your age
Don’t bring the age into it. Nobody likes to think of their age once they reach a certain point (and this is true of both men and women) so why would you bring up their age? While you might think saying that they couldn’t be as old as their age is a compliment, it’s a backhanded one. You’re giving off the idea that their actual age is truly ancient even if they don’t look it.
4. I love Cougars.
This is a weird one to have on this list, I’ll admit, but it does give off some strange vibes that you’re going to want to avoid. That means you’re just going after her for her age. If you’re on a Cougar dating website we get that you like dating older women and we don’t need to have ourselves be reminded again and again.
5. Willing to lie about where we met.
You’re kind of playing into the old Cougar stereotype here and painting the women on the site as people who should be ashamed of being on there. Why? No one says that about other dating websites, but to be on a Cougar one means that you need to lie about it? You think you’re being clever, but there’s nothing really clever about that or funny. Especially since it’s becoming a cliché which makes you look unoriginal to boot.
6. I love your pics.
What about the pics did you like? This isn’t an invitation to launch into loving platitudes, but maybe say that she looks beautiful instead or that she looks like a fun woman. If she’s got one where she’s on a boat, talk about the boat. If she’s doing something like rock-climbing talk to her about that. Even if the pictures are clearly taken just for this site, put some detail into it otherwise it’s just a canned message.
7. Hi/How are you?/Hey
These aren’t wrong generally, but when that’s all you’ve got, you’re not going to catch much in the way of attention from the women who you are talking to. It shows that you’re unimaginative, not a good talker and if they’ve got a fully filled out profile it shows that you didn’t read. If you can’t find anything to say that’s not just a hello then why should any time be wasted on you?
8. I can email you my pictures.
The women who are on this website are on it in part because it provides a level of security. They don’t want to have to give away their contact information right away and by giving away their email that’s exactly what you’re doing. Have pictures on the website. You can block out your face if you’d like, but don’t say that you’re just going to send pictures later. The women don’t want to hear it unless you’re offering to email them more pictures than you already have on your profile (but still not a great thing to do in the first message).
9. Tell me your fantasy.
Ugh. Not only is it cheesy, but it’s just creepy in a first message. It’s one thing if fantasies come up naturally in a conversation, but if they’re just mentioned out of nowhere it’s not something that most people would want to answer. There needs to be some build up to that question or it is like being on a date with the guy furiously palming himself under the table. Gross.